Halloween Hack : healthy Recipes From the WEB (get it spider webs )

ohh halloween , where we all face plant into the candy bowl !

-its the stuff great food comas are made of –

But need it be so ?! yes its nice to engage in a little holiday hoarding (of the candy variety, not the tummy variety).

However not so healthy is the GREEN Light you’ve undoubtedly given yourself to rape,pillage and steal for that haribo halloween pack … we’ve all done that thing with little kids where you basically convince them all the good chocolates they’ve collected are infact DISGUSTING ADULT TREATS .. or just me ?? no no raisins are delicious morsels for children , eww yucky peanut butter cup .. Kids are sooooooo stoopid .

*i feel eternally sorry for my future children who’s halloween will look a lot like the MEME below … but mummy loves you..

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I do digress .. if you have kids and don’t want to be wiping chocolate and caramel off the walls (careful for the Denis the Menace esque children who may cruelly be using another similar looking brown substance) I have kindly collected some healthy HALLOWEEN RECIPES!!!

MMMMMM GHOOOOOOOOODDDDD

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STRAWBERRY GHOSTS 

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CARROT AND RICE PUMPKINS 

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PEANUT BUTTER SMILEY GHOSTS 

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THREE INGREDIENT APPLE BITES 

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COCONUT BANANA GHOULS 

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VEGAN CARAMEL APPLES (WITH TEEF!) 

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UNREAL CANDY .. And Matt Damon In Glasses is a turn on ?!?!

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organic , healthy candy .. what the what . and endorsed By Gisele Bundchen (hey babe) Matt Damon (babe) John Legend (legend, see what i did there?!?) and Dr Hyman (brain babe). get your happy faces on .. because its going to be everywhere soon . mmm candy nomononomonom Adam Melonas the creator has pulled out the big celeb guns .. but still if youre going to eat the sugar and calories .. at least let it be made from real food . AMEN UNREAL CANDY AHHHH_MENNNNNNN

BREAKFAST SWAPS … A Porridge To Dribble At (SAY WHAATT!!)

 

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Breakfast seems like the hardest meal . probably because unhealthy breakfasts are so quick , easy and familiar . and because its the morning we tend to function mostly on autopilot . 

ALOT of people , basically everyone i speak to is always like WTF do i eat for breakfast !?!?!?1? 

so here we go .. i think its really important to start the day off alkaline , because your beautifully intelligent body has just spent all night working hard at healing, detoxing and alkalising our insides (so busy !) no wonder we’re tired when we wake up , our tiny body elves are pooped (head visualised little huffing tummy elfs i know ) 

`ANYWAY .. 

1. 

Scrambled Eggs 

although yes protein is great , eggs can be quite acidic and retardedly (not real word) taxing on the digestive tract .. not to mention the butter vibes to make a good scramble situation . so for a little change up 

SWAP IT FOR 

Scrambled Tofu And Broccoli 

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still protein filled , the broccoli is also helpful as its full of digestive enzymes so this will breeze through , and its yum

 try this Delicious and Nutritious RECIPE  HERE 

 

2. 

Toast 

everyones apparently gluten intolerant now .. weird hey , anyway breads overly processed and negligible in terms of nutrients , it does also cause a lot of inflammation in the body not to mention useless calories. 

SWAP IT FOR 

A Sprouted Loaf 

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alkalising , easy digestion packed full of nutrients and dense , its raw unrefined and LIVING FOOD 

read THIS ARTICLE from the chalkboard mag about why this swap is important . 

Spread alternatives: 

Peanut Butter & Jelly – Almond butter and Homemade jam

Butter and Marmite (vegemite HI AUSSIES!) –  Coconut Oil And Miso Paste 

Butter and Cheese – Avocado And Nutritional Yeast (like ERHMAGERD its good) 

Honey – Date Paste , Unprocessed Unheated Honey 

3.

Cereal Or Granola 

ohhh cereal .. the beginning of the processed food industry.. courtesy of the kellogs brothers , the manufacturing of cereal was the catalyst for the packaged food industry (see you learn shit on this blog too!) so put down the CHEERIOS , and step away from the granola … which is alway touted as some healthy alternative but is usually just as bad if not worse than sugary cereal !!! 

SWAP IT FOR 

Buckini’s (no not some root’n toot’n edible bikini ) 

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Loving Earth Does an amazing Variety .. mouth watering in fact .. but i cant explain the succulence like they can 

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GET EM’ HERE 

4. 

Frappucino 

oh the frap , i use to love a good ol frap . but if you google the ingredients , its a novel long for the processed shit thats in the syrup alone , let alone dairy (which we all need to chill out on ) and SOY again .. naughty 

SWAP IT FOR 

Healthy Raw Dairy Free Frappucino 

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thank the lord for websites like RAWified , yes it may take a few more moments at home , but at least you body will thank you .. and its delicious 

CLICK THE RECIPE HERE 

 

5. 

Breakfast Muffin 

ahh pastries for breakfast , because the french do it and theyre all super thin and hot .. yeh but .. no i dont need to do an explanation about why its best not to gorge on muffins for bfast .. a muffin is a cupcake without icing babes … sorry to burst that bubble … however thankfully people have made healthy alternatives 

 

SWAP IT FOR 

Healthy Gluten-Free Carrot Morning Muffins 🙂 

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not only are they dairy free, and butter free and sugar free but they can be made bulk , and frozen for a quick morning munch .. so smart to use flaxseeds as egg replacements (hey omega 3’s hey happy brain ) 

RECIPE HERE 

6. 

Porridge 

ahh porridge that o’ chestnut , yes its healthy-ish .. its filling and with a dairy free milk its alkalising and cholesterol controlling .. but its boring , contains gluten and frankly beige .. 

SWAP IT FOR 

Quinoa Porridge !

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High Protein , non grain (its a seed , random i know ) and as easy as making porridge , plus you can make it the night before and topping are like a personal pick n mix .. whatever you like .. THIS RECIPE HOWEVER IS AMAZEMENT  

 

So good morning little healthy peeps . may your mornings be a little brighter , slash  may you not dribble over your computer keyboard its a health and safety issue . 

now for a beautiful quote about breakfast 

Instead of telling the world what you’re eating for breakfast, you can use social networking to do something that’s meaningful

Edward Norton 

what?!?! oh F*ck Off Edward Norton you ruined The Hulk and why you squinting all the time !?!?  … i”ll do what i want with my internet power MUHAHAH 

A Book Review … I Know How High Brow (Shut Your Shocked Mouth)

 

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So i’m getting my yoga teacher training , i know i”m so my generation but f*ck it !!!

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In doing so as students we are asked to read the Bhagavad Gita or GITA, which i think sounds slightly ghetto ..maybe because I’m thinking of GTA .. as a girl i should not actually know what Grand Theft Auto is .. but there you go .. yogi-nutritionist and Playstation Pro. 

 

moving on…

 

The Bhagavad Gita is a hindu scripture of stories , a bit Bible vibes but not .. anyway its hard to read … its friggin hard I wont lie .. maybe its just me but its hard , ive even downloaded the audio book , but  this thing has more hard to pronounce characters than Harry Potter and Lord Of The Rings combined and is more mystical than J.K Rowlings dreams people . 

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THE ABOVE PHOTO IS VERY MISLEADING >> NO CHILD COULD READ BHAGAVAD-GITA .. but he does look like harry potter  

 So in an attempt to BALANCE .. being the main aim of yoga , i picked up this book THE RELUCTANT YOGI By Carla McKay .. if i’m honest i saw the Daily Mail corner review and thought .. even a brain dead person can read this bogus … 

Its true it was so far from all the heavy reading i was doing .. but its real life guys , its not really a story per se as it seems on the cover .. its more just an average woman explaining yoga .. get through the first couple of chapter to where Carla starts to break.it.down into less hippy dippy and more modern day , citing scientific fact along with some humour she certainly made me take yoga less seriously and see it for what it is .. a way to live happily and healthily … 

  

my favourite line came from a chapter about chakras and Nadis .. which i’m aware if you aren’t off living in a spiritual cocoon (blinkers on) like i attempt to , its really hard to believe or even comprehend that spiritual shit without bug-eyed creeping backwards out the room when some lady pulls out a Tuning Fork to realign said Chakra … 

 
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So basically if you’re trying to convince yourself to get into some spiritual vibes, get fit or healthy or just want to bring your already yogi mind back to earth , and also have the all the elements of yoga explained in super easy english .. this book is your baby .. its also like a semi cheat book for anyone doing yoga training , because i know you’re falling asleep halfway through the classes about MAYA, Bhraman and the Three Sutras (dont even get me started , ive developed a great tactic of wearing my beany super low so i can power nap whilst pretending to read) 
 
 
Happy Headstand Readings 

GREAT ARTICLE .. Plus blog Guilt

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let me preface this post with an I’m Sorry i have not been posting .. these are my excuses (because you don’t care skip to the link of the shweet article)

1. i’ve been travelling 

2. I’ve been studying 

3. I’ve been doing my Yoga teacher training , and basically can just about make it to bed every evening in between epson salt baths from having my legs popped out of the sockets and thrust above my head . sounds sexy.. is naaat

4. i just couldnt think of anything to write about … 

 

luckily i was lazy but good ol’ Refinery 29 was not , they posted this great article the other day about calories not being  a calorie … baffling i know .. but read it because these people are such smarty pants … 

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http://www.refinery29.com/calories-in-food#page-2

 

I PROMISE I WILL BE BLOGGING ASAP .. AND ABOUT EXCITING THINGS LIKE MEDITATION < KUNDALINI < GOOGLY EYED FRUITS AND GENERAL WELLNESS SHIZNIT